jonathan’s blog

The Call - Sacramento.  12 hours of continuous fasting and prayer, for the spiritual health of our nation.  This is the 10 year anniversary of The Call, and Lou Engle had a special burden to call/recall the Nazarites, those who are fully abandoned to God, willing to go the distance, to stand for truth and intercede for revival.  Months ago, Lou started casting this vision, and I wanted so badly to go and join him there.  But the timing was bad, as Emily could give birth at any time!  And the costs were too high, considering our joblessness.  But a couple of days before The Call, Emily found these really well priced tickets, and insisted I go!  And so, in a spur of the moment decision, we bought the tickets.  Benny and Timmy picked me up from the airport.  Benny and Jeff E. let me crash on their hotel room floor.  And at 6:30am the next morning, I found myself…at The Call Sacramento!

Check out the port-a-potties!  I guess after 10 years of doing these events, they know how and what to plan for!

Benny and Timmy woke me up shortly after 6am, to head out and stake out some property in front of the California State Capitol.  The event didn’t start until 9am, but these eager beavers wanted the best seats in the house.  And good seats we had!…under 2 huge trees for some well needed shade!  Benny, just got pricked by some dry pine needles.  Timmy waiting for him to get off the tarps.  It was so funny, within a 50 foot radius, was EHOP (us…Exodus House of Prayer), VHOP (Valencia House of Prayer), RHOP (Reformation House of Prayer), and PIHOP (Pasadena International House of Prayer)…all houses of prayer from Los Angeles!

Lou had us start off with personal repentance, and then moved us into corporate/national repentance.

At some point, during the national repentance portion…the Holy Spirit came in such powerful convicting power.  I have been to several Calls before…but none of them had this kind of a Holy Spirit led time of mourning.  Usually the big prayer topics are Abortion and the Homosexual agenda…but before we even got to those, the issues of Human Trafficking, Modern Day Slavery, and the Sex Trade gripped our hearts.  At one point, Benji from Exodus Cry, went up and talked about Human Trafficking.  He talked about the abolitionist of old, and how they took slave manacles with them, to prove to the world that there was indeed this hidden horror called the Slave Trade.  Instead of manacles, Benji brought the blood stained pants of a little girl that they rescued from the sex trade.  There was already some weeping that was going on…but as Benji shared, and we pleaded for the Blood of Jesus and mercy, something heavier than any kind of human emotion, descended upon us.  Someone said to go ahead and weep…because someone needs to weep between the porch and the alter.  And weep we did.  I don’t really know how to describe it, but for about an hour, there was just weeping and weeping.  Words wouldn’t work.  Thousands of us, just cried and mourned together.  I was reminded of Ezra, and the weeping and repentance that broke out when they read the law.

Then we prayed for LIFE, and the ending of abortion.  Here was a prophetic act of silent prayer, interceding for those fetuses that have no voice.

As powerful as the silent prayer for LIFE was…this was the best image of LIFE there.  You go Judy!  You’ve got a living being growing in you!…amazing!

Exodus parents brought their kids.  Leonard was reading in Joel chapter 2, “Gather all the people—the elders, the children, and even the babies.”  And that was that…bring the kids!  Joe and Kathy brought a couple of tents to pitch.

Lina has become amazingly articulate.  Noah, who is 2 months older than her, talks like a barbarian compared to this high society little girl.  Praying and fasting is really hard, and this was just before dinner.  Having fasted breakfast and lunch, Lina is asking her mom if she could have just one snack, just one little bite of a cracker.  Just one!  Please!

Just kidding!  Come on!…the kids didn’t fast!  Sheesh!  Who do you think we are!  Not sure what Lina is asking for…but not to worry, she was already properly fed.

Naomi, Vivian, and Stephenie…engaged, and doing their best to dodge the sun/heat.

Benny…also engaged, but not doing very well in dodging the sun or the heat!  Here’s the sad truth…we are getting old.  At 35 years old, by this time in the day, EVERY part of my body was aching!  Kids, as in college kids, all around us were going at it with no reserve.  But ouch!…I could barely move!  Thank God for Motrin.

A couple of offerings were taken to help cover the costs.  Armed State Troopers followed the money bins!

Yes!  The sun has set, it’s cooling down, and we’ve just got a couple more hours to go!  The last 1/3 of the day was spent just praying for revival, for God to move again in a powerful and unprecedented way.

And we ended the 12 hours with some great worship and shouts of thanksgiving and joy!  God…you aren’t done with our state and nation!  Move again!  Send revival!

admin Reflections

Earlier this year, I started a series of posts of things that I felt God, in his sovereignty, had just set before me…bringing them each in perfect timing, with blessings that I could never have asked for or imagined. I never finished!…never got to the fifth one!

And now, months later…it’s only right to finish that little series. The Daniel Academy. What is that?! It’s a school, labeled as family co op education…or something like that. Anyway…The Daniel Academy meets every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. They do the usual Math and English and other subjects by grade level…but then also add in a TON of Bible, prayer, and worship. Tuesday and Thursday the kids don’t have school…and we are supposed to spend time with them going over assignments and helping them with homework.

They also require parents to be involved in volunteering, I call it non-voluntary volunteering…since you HAVE to do it. And at first, it was not something I looked forward to. Teaching kids…that just seems like by FAR the MOST stressful thing anyone can sign up for. My kids drive me crazy!…I can’t imagine dealing with someone else’s kids! But as the school year went on…I really grew quite attached to the class I volunteered in. To be honest, these past 2 days of Kay and Bekah starting TDA, has been really fun for me too!…seeing fun and familiar faces.

Volunteering also forced me to see what they do with the kids in worship and prayer. It’s amazing. There have been so many times, where the teacher will be explaining the morning prayer and worship exercises…and I’ll think in my head, “What!? These are kids…they can’t handle that!” And then right before my eyes, the kids will launch off and do exactly what was expected of them, giving prophetic words, singing in the spirit, praying over different countries, helping one another understand scripture…amazing stuff.

Last year, there was an outpouring of sorts…where the Holy Spirit came and visited powerfully. I remember walking into the auditorium, kids were just strewn about all over the floor, being ministered to by the Spirit of God. Other kids were walking around praying for people, other’s were talking about the angels they were seeing. Can’t wait to see what this next year brings!

On Monday, I went to a parent meeting and just heard a little more of their history and vision. The school is only in its 4th year, but they are already dreaming for the future. They feel called to influence this nation through education…believing the soul and future of any nation is in the minds and hearts of its young people. In fact, they’ve already partnered and started 3 Daniel Academy’s in Zimbabwe. TDA counterparts in Zimbabwe believe that in 20 years, Robert Mugabe (the current dictator who has single handedly sent the entire country into the toilet) will be gone, all of his legislation and legacy will be gone…and in 20 years they will be filling that void, with their leaders, who love and fear God. In 20 years, it will be this next generation that will be stepping into positions of authority and power in our nation…and the dream is to empower our young people to be these leaders. I love those kinds of dreams!

Oh…and last, but not least, the absolute most fun thing about TDA…are the names. The names of the kids. Keep in mind, that most of these families are from IHOP…so what you get is a student body made up of: Jacob, Isaac, Samuel, Daniel, David, Josiah…wait, it gets better…Moses, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, Isaac, Bethany, Abigail…wait, even better!…Elijah, Ezekiel, Malachi (who are all friends by the way), Trinity, Zoe, Zion…and the best ever, Hallelujah! Yup…Hallelujah is the cutest little Kindergarten (now 1st grader) you could ever dream up.

Alright! That ends this little series…better late than never! God…you really do see and provide! May you bless Kay and Rebekah as they attend the Daniel Academy this year. May they grow in you, in intimacy with their Lord and Savior. Open their hearts, to experience more of you. Bless their time with their teachers and their marvelous comrades.

admin Reflections

TODAY marks our one year ‘anniversary’ of living in Kansas City.  Exactly one year ago…we boarded a ONE WAY Southwest flight, from LAX to MCI.  Mitch picked us up from the airport, and we crashed at the Yap’s place until our apartment was ready.  A day or 2 later our cars arrived.  A couple days after that, we got the keys to our temporary apartment.  A couple days after that, and ALL of our STUFF arrived…we moved into our apartment, and became official Missouri residents.

Can you believe it?!  ONE year! Is that crazy? Lee’s Summit has been “home” for a whole year! And what a year it has been!…IHOP internship, (non)volunteering at the Daniel Academy, the IHOP Student Awakening, the futile search for good boba, moving into our new home, snow and now hot/humid, shoveling the snow and now mowing the lawn, friends and family visiting…what a blur it has all been!

In spite of the blur, I do feel God has highlighted ONE thing in particular this first year here in KC, and it isn’t what I would have expected. That’s not totally true…taking a step back, it seems obvious now, that I should have expected it…

Anyway, I would have thought year ONE would have been about learning about prayer and intercession. I mean…this is IHOP, the International House of Prayer! I thought I’d get to see the inner workings of how a community devotes itself to be a 24×7 house of prayer until the return of Jesus. Everything from the cost structure, to the practical mechanics, theory and theology, casting of vision, sustaining of vision, intercession and prayer techniques. And I did get to see a ton of that, very up close and personal. The internship and special project with IHOP was an overwhelming experience, one that I will continue to reap blessings from, years from now. But at the end of Year ONE…I don’t think that was God’s main thing for me.

About four months ago, I was doing my internship prayer hours at an awakening meeting, and God began to speak to me. I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking to me…and I felt this responsibility to pray and intercede, as a father, husband, and head of the household. Not just the ‘responsibility’ to pray, but I also felt the ‘authority’ to intercede. It was like my roles were somehow key to releasing the blessing, favor, and purposes of God into our family. So that evening, there in the middle of worship, I interceded for all of our family needs: money, job, next steps…all of that good stuff.

Little did I know…but my actual work of intercession started much before this evening. A couple of months before this, I found myself praying, a very simple prayer, telling God that I love him. “Jesus, I love you. ” I didn’t hear a message about this, or get any special revelation about this…I just began to do it? At first, I actually didn’t even realize I was doing it! But when I did, I found myself praying that prayer all the time, everywhere, before meals, driving in the car, with the kids before they slept, in the shower, before falling asleep…everywhere! “Jesus, I love you. I love you, Jesus.”

Recently, there have been a couple of experiences in worship, where I’ve felt the full attention of God. I’ve experienced some really incredible things here at IHOP: waves of Glory, waves of Joy, overwhelming exaltation of Jesus…but there have been 2, maybe 3 occasions, where I have felt this powerful ‘attention’ of God thing. It’s hard to explain, but it really felt like I had ALL of God’s attention, his full, focused…attention. And wow is that a crazy experience, to feel the ‘undivided’ attention of the KING of all kings!

There is a passage in Song of Songs, where it talks about how the bride has caught the bridegrooms heart, whole heart, utterly ravished…with just one look of her eyes. We know this is an allegory for us, the church/bride, and Jesus/bridegroom. That we as the bride, have caught the heart of Jesus, with just one look of our eyes. Sounds great, but it is actually really hard to sort out. When we, as the bride, come to God…we think we need to pray, humble ourselves, repent, do all these things before we even have a chance of capturing his heart. But the truth and reality is this: that for some reason, maybe because of his passion for us…somehow, with just one LOOK…we get Him, ALL of Him.

I experienced these ‘attention’ times…where my “I love You, Jesus” resulted in this revelation that I had his whole heart, his whole attention, all of his passions. I remember at those times, feeling…I got you, God. I have you, all of you. With these simple words, the affections of my weak heart, and just one look of my eyes…I have all of you.

Did you know that Jehovah Jireh means ‘The Lord who Provides’ AND ‘ The Lord who Sees’? It’s the same name, same title…because when He sees, it is his nature to provide. So here it is…the heart of my Year ONE lesson…I found that my intercession, was actually to get The Lord who Sees and Provides to see me, to just look my way…and therefore provide for me. My feeble prayers, the simple words, “Jesus, I love you.”…that was my work of intercession. With one look of my eyes, I could get him to look my way, and see where I was…and the one who sees, is the one who provides.

Intercession is bringing our needs before God, standing in the gap, asking, knocking, seeking. But before that…maybe ‘above’ that, intercession is telling the King that we love him, and love him dearly. Intercession is using our place, our position in his heart, to get him to look our way…and see, and provide.

When God looks at us from Heaven, I wonder what he sees? Lots of sad stuff…but also lots of good stuff. He sees justice, Christians trying to do the right thing. Spreading the Gospel. Helping the poor. Reaching the Nations. Healing the sick. Begging for mercy, forestalling judgment. We live in a dark world, but because of God, there is so much light. But I’m thinking, the one thing, that blazes through all of the darkness and all of the light. Is the person, or church, that is saying and singing, “I Love You, Jesus.” It’s the bride that captures his heart, with one look of her eyes.

This is especially applicable now…because here we are, a whole year later, having experienced so much of God providing, leading, guiding…but still needing so much more of him. Today, marks one year in Kansas City. But it also marks the month that we completely and utterly run out of runway. No money. No job. No leads! Sometimes valiant faith, sometimes none at all. But I do have a name and a promise. A name of my God…the LORD who sees, the LORD who provides. And a promise, that I can ravish his heart, with just one look of my eyes.

OK!…last thing…this song really captures a lot of what I’m trying to say.  You have ravished my heart, with one glance of your eyes; How fair is your love, my promised, my bride.

admin My Family, Reflections, The Midwest

God was exalted today in dance.  Julie Meyer led us in some really joyful praise.  You can see it here:

http://www.ihop.org/

Scroll down and click on “LIVE: The Prayer Room 24/7 LIVE Webstream”.

Then click on “The Prayer Room Archives”

Then click on “10:00AM Thu May 27th”

Move the slider out to about 1 hour, 34 minutes - and you’ll see Julie call out a dancer and the kids to come up and worship.

By 1 hour, 47 minutes - the whole place is going nuts.  The kids are all on stage, Jonathan Rizzo is breaking out in some crazy prophetic song about the marriage supper of the lamb, and the room is just going for it.  Kay, Bekah, and Juli are all on stage having a blast.

A small taste of the joy set before us!!!

Thanks for leading us Julie Meyer!  There is no doubt, a very special place here and in the age to come, for you to still be leading us!

admin Reflections

We went to the IHOPU Student Awakening last night, and wow!…worship was out of control. There was so much JOY in the air…celebration of God, who he is, and what he’s done. We sang this song “Joyful, Joyful” (which is this new take on an old hymn) and when we reached the chorus, the place just lit up! So much JOY…

We sing in jubilation, adoration to a joyful King
You are spinning, You are singing
Zealous love over all Your children

I got the Joy, I got the Joy, I got the Joy!

It’s a huge file…but you can listen to it here.

admin Reflections

I got an article published in Inheritance Magazine, page 11-13.

http://inheritancemag.com/magazines/issue-5-march-2010

Thanks Inheritance!

admin Reflections, The Midwest

IHOP Sacred Trust. What is that? There are certain commitments each person on IHOP staff has to make. This is grossly oversimplified, but depending on the type of role or position, you have to commit to a certain number of ‘service hours’ and ‘prayer hours’. Service hours are activities ranging from ushering, bathroom cleanup, parking attendant to business administration and teaching. Prayer hours are exactly that, hours of prayer in the IHOP Global Prayer Room.

Service hours? No problem. Between class time and doing this Strategic Planning/Budget project for the next few months…we’ll have an abundance of service hours. Prayer hours? That’s a whole different story. Emily and I are each committed to putting in 12 hours of prayer hours. That means we have to be onsite, in the prayer room, for at least 12 hours each, per week. Writing all that out…it doesn’t sound that bad. But wow…add to that class time, Strategic Planning/Budget meetings, and 3 kids…trying to find 12 hours in the prayer room has been really hard! Even logistically, just for our family, if I’m in the prayer room by myself, that means Emily has to fly solo with all three kids during that time…and vice versa!

I’ve been battling with this and it hasn’t been easy. Not just the literal hours and physical energy our new schedule entails. But the mindset…that I “need” to spend time in the prayer room, has been a hard one to swallow. I remember when the Exodus struggled through our NT Blasts (read 10 chapters of NT each day to finish NT in one month…it really is a blast!) I think I heard from a couple of our people about how that wasn’t the way they were used to reading the Bible. Ha…I had that exact thought so many times this week, “God, this isn’t how I like to spend time with you!” Funny how an activity changes when you ‘have’ to do it.

I think Emily and I are still trying to find a rhythm in all of this. There were moments this week, in the prayer room where I really started to value the extended hours in there. Where the heavy burden began to turn into an escort into the deeper things of God. Not to say it’s any easier. Not to say I didn’t procrastinate my hours until the LAST possible hour. Really, I waited until Sunday night, 11:00pm to midnight for my final hour!

So I was there, struggling to stay awake, engaged, trying to interact with God. And as midnight drew near, I witnessed for the first time the ‘changing of the guards’ as the night shift or “night watch” came on board. Totally exhausted and packing up my stuff to go home, suddenly a flood of people started arriving…fresh, awake, and ready to pray! Some even had their kids with them! You could just feel the room change in anticipation as this new group came in.

I’ve heard of these night watch types before. They start at midnight, and go until 6am. It’s a very tight group, because they go 6 hours straight EVERY single night together. These people aren’t just your usual night owls. In order to sustain midnight to 6am shifts, they actually alter their entire sleep schedule around…so they are sleeping when most people are awake, and awake when most people are sleeping! It all makes sense in theory, but actually seeing them arrive, at midnight, as I was yearning to retire for the evening…it was nothing short of amazing.

These people, have adjusted their entire lives to pray. That’s a message in and of itself! They arrive at the prayer room, at midnight…fresh and ready to go. While so many of the rest of us, adjust prayer to fit into our busy schedules, these people have adjusted their lives to fit prayer. That’s awesome. No…trust me, I entertain NO thoughts of joining the night watch. But to know, that these people (and their kids!), if they can adjust their entire sleep schedule and lives to do this…surely I can find a way to adjust for 12 hours of flexible prayer each week! God, I need your grace!

admin My Family, Reflections

The International House of Prayer University (IHOPU) Student Awakening. On 11/11 of last year, the Holy Spirit moved in a morning class of first-year students. They saw physical healing, deliverance, and students filled with a spirit of joy. I got 2 texts from different people around dinner time, saying that the Holy Spirit broke out among the students…and that they had been going straight for 9 hours. Word spread quickly, and over 2,000 people found their way to the Forerunner School of Ministry (FSM) auditorium that evening. The meeting continued well past midnight, running for more than 15 hours straight. All classes for the next few days were cancelled, students gathered to just receive all that the Spirit was pouring out.

We got there that first night…and the Presence of God was so strong. You could just sense his glory. We went last night, and they just baptized their 1,000th person! One Thousand baptisms since 11/11/09! People are getting delivered, set free from addictions, shame, depression. Physical healings are happening, eyes and ears being healed. Really amazing stuff. God moving, in just as much power, if not more, each night.

Emily and I have been bringing the kids as often as we can. Worship at these meetings are insane. When you hear/see the testimonies of people that are being ministered to by God, when you see life after life, dying to sin and raising in Christ through baptism…worship just FLOWS! Really…the celebration that goes on here…wow!

There are many that feel this is the beginning of the 3rd Great Awakening for this country. Those are big words! The first and second Great Awakenings shook the entire country; full blown revival can change the very heart of a nation. Oh how we need you to come!

God, how gracious of you…to allow us to experience this special outpouring!

admin Reflections

“So what brings you guys to Kansas City?”

We get that a lot, which is understandable. But wow is that a loaded question…that is really hard to answer! Why did we move out here? How do we even start to answer that? God told us to? To be a part of the house of prayer? To go deep with God? To get ready and equipped for Jesus’ second return? Haha…no easy answers…especially when it’s not 100% clear even to us!

The International House of Prayer is a HUGE part of why we are here. Couldn’t we have just prayed in Los Angeles? Doesn’t God hear prayers no matter where you are? Of course! But these guys have been running hard with 24 hour night and day prayer for more than 10 years straight. Not one time in those 10 years have they left the alter unattended. Out of this constant worship and prayer, God has released amazing revelation, amazing teaching, amazing insight into God and what he is doing in the land. This community has learned to entertain the presence of God, to seek him with all that they have…seriously, just being here it seems like heaven is somehow ‘closer’. Prayer and worship, intimacy with Jesus, it drives everything they do here…the ministry school, the music academy, the children’s equipping center…everything!

The day I quit the weather company in Kansas…no, the HOUR I quit, I drove straight to the prayer room. For some reason, quitting was more emotionally stressful than interviewing. And there, after the fact, I just felt this emotional burden totally lift. I felt free in ways I can’t even begin to express. My boss didn’t take the news of my quitting very well, and it was actually a very uncomfortable experience. I quit, awkwardly walked out the door by myself, smiled to God, and said to myself, “Good riddance!”

I made it to the prayer room and found a seat in the back. As I tried to engage, I saw all around me…treasure. Not ‘real’ treasure…I must have been seeing something in my spirit, because when I saw the treasure I had a rush of memories. Memories from my days in college, when I used to close myself in a closet and seek his face for hours on end. I saw all these faces of God, and was reminded of how God showed himself to me, disclosed different aspects of who he was, took me deep into his presence to show me his wonderful beauty. I was reminded of the Exodus…and the insane revelations God has given over the years. A new way of doing church, which is actually a really old way, the first way! Cutting out Sunday service to become a house of prayer. The Kingdom of God. The Gospel. The Primacy of Loving God.

In that blur of memories, I was made suddenly aware of how much treasure God has given me. And in that same instance, I was made suddenly aware of the poverty of my spirit…and how much I needed God’s treasures again. In light of the treasures in the room, and the memories in my head, I began to ask aloud, “God, give me treasures. Make me rich again. Make me wealthy again.” I wept and prayed that, over and over again. A totally ironic prayer, considering I just QUIT my job, and here I am asking God to make me rich! Obviously, a different kind of wealth.

The treasure of the knowledge of God…intimacy born only out of time and seeking his face. We all know that we need to spend time seeking God’s face…but we also know that that is exactly the first thing to go when we get busy. As a working adult, active in the church, raising three kids, trying to do God’s will, with only 24 hours in a day…intimacy with God is one of the first things we let slip. Spend time with God? Read the word? Pray, worship, interceded…wait on God? It’s the first thing to get rationalized away.

Most of us are guilty of it, and suddenly we are very poor in spirit. And though we can make it, for weeks, months, even years, on the bare minimum, sometimes more, often less…we are cheating ourselves from the intimacy and depth for which we were really created. By not carving out and defending the necessary time and space, we sacrifice really going deep with God. Our revelation becomes old. Our insights are not our own. Our authority dwindles. And it is the mercy, the compassion, the grace of God to show us our poverty and how desperate we really are for more of him.

“God, make me rich. Make me wealthy again.” This chance, to go deep and find treasure; IHOP, Lee’s Summit Missouri…rural Missouri! This is God’s mercy, compassion, and grace to me…in this hour, spiritual hunger for more, is his greatest provision.

admin Reflections

I worked at a weather technology company in Kanasa for almost 2 months. It was one of the worst, most desolate seasons of my 34 years of living. No exaggeration. MediaDefender decided to end my contract at the end of September. Our home would be ready for us to move in by November…but we wouldn’t be able to close on escrow without a source of income. This company in Kansas offered me a job and I started the second week of October. God’s provision is amazing, giving us the job so that we can get the mortgage at just the right time…incredible! But oh so difficult. I died many deaths in that short season…not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely a hard thing. God offended my mind, to reveal my heart.

I was at the top of MediaDefender, providing cutting edge digital anti-piracy services for some of the world’s most important and impactful content producers. I was invited to speak at conferences regularly, and acknowledged as being an expert in our field. I was featured and quoted by a number of online and printed publications and even did a radio interview! I hired people, fired people, and helped make strategic decisions for the direction of the company. I was integral in establishing three additional products slated to become their own wholly owned subsidiaries, a viral alternative advertising platform, a peer-assisted video distribution technology, and a self publishing video library product…all cool stuff!

Fast forward, and I’m selling weather detection systems to archaic television stations that barely understand their own websites. I work for someone younger than me, who has zero experience, and is giving me “pointers” on how to make a successful Power Point Presentation. He keeps track of my hours, when I arrive and when I leave the office. My closest confidant is Chloe, a super fat dog that likes me because I give her French Fries and scratch her ears, she frequents my office to sleep, snore, and pass gas. They promise me 3 things during our interview: 1.) flexible hours, 2.) little or no travel, and 3.) I can volunteer at Kay’s school every Friday morning. Within one month, they pull back on all three, insisting on inflexible hours, insane amounts of travel, and displeasure over my volunteer hours. Amazing. I would leave to work early in the morning, before Noah even woke up. I would leave work after dark, making it home just barely for dinner…to eat and watch the kids go down. Almost every night, I would leave the office, look to the night sky and shout to God, “What am I doing here?!”

God didn’t just humble me…he flat out humiliated me. There are too many specific stories to go into, but never have I been so embarrassed and humiliated. I think it was God’s shortcut way of smashing my pride and arrogance that had been steadily developing over the years. But in that madness, in my despair, God came to me one morning…like the dawn breaking forth from a dark night, he visited me and spoke words to me that have marked my soul.

The night before, I had been watching this new TV series called Trauma. In it, there is this ‘tough as nails’ rescue paramedic that is part of the airlift crew. He is coaching his pilot who refuses to do anything other than just piloting the chopper. There is a heated discussion as to why she won’t help out with injured patients. In the end, he finally understands her fears and says to her, “I get it. Flesh is fallible. Humans are weak.” The point being that the pilot couldn’t deal with anything beyond her immediate and absolute control. Machines she could ‘control’, but human error she could not.

So I’m driving to work, just dreading the upcoming work day, bothered that it’s so early and that for another day, I’ll be away from Emily and the kids, wondering if we did the right thing in moving to Kansas City, and thinking about this TV show. I’m hearing this guy say, “Flesh is fallible. Humans are weak.” Then the ray of light hits and I hear God speak to me…clear as day, right there in the car on the way to work. And I just lose it. I’m weeping, bawling, trying to drive, but almost unable to see where I’m going! And in my heart, I know that God is perfect, that he is sovereign, in control, and sitting on his throne. This is what I heard:

I’m thinking to myself, “Flesh is fallible. Humans are weak.”

And like thunder, God speaks into my spirit, “I am not fallible. I am not weak. I am perfect. You spend all day, trying your best to NOT make mistakes. Jonathan, you need to understand this. I can spend all day, TRYING to make a mistake…but I won’t be able to. I CANNOT make a mistake. I am infallible.”

And though I don’t understand the details, I know in my heart and soul that God is in control, on his throne, and wholly sovereign. That even in this desperate place, God has made no mistakes, not a single one. He’s not worried, or antsy, or nervously trying to figure out how to redeem this situation. No, he is utterly in control. I wish I could say that from that day forward everything was better…nah, there were still plenty of horrible times at the weather company. But God did grace me with the assurance that this was all not a mistake. That he has a plan, a good plan…and that he is way strong enough to make it happen. His plans won’t disappoint, his plans are to prosper us, to give us a future and a hope. There are no mistakes with him, it’s against his very nature to make mistakes…and therefore wholly impossible. God, infallible and always on his throne.

admin Reflections